Anger, Stress and Anxiety Management Tips for Satisfying Relationships

Damien's Dreams Prevent Him From Ruining His LIfe – part 4

Settling into married life felt good. Damien was content and very relieved that he had got that part of his life sorted out. But now he was having problems at work. He was making errors on tasks that he routinely did with no difficulty. His confidence cracked and his stress levels went through the roof. His rhythm became disturbed and he couldn’t get back on track to do things on time, and that jarred even more on his perfectionistic attitude. Irritable when he got home, he found it hard to tell his wife about his ‘failures’ and deprived himself of comfort and understanding.

Fearful for his reputation and job, Damien had a series of scary dreams about being tested for exams, just like he felt tested in his life at the time. These dreams were instrumental in getting his confidence back and performing adequately.

The first dream shows how he is on the brink of an emotional crisis

The pendulum swings from over confidence to an expectation of failure

“I was studying for my final biology exam. I was in lab tech school. It was just before 8 and I thought I had time to visit my spiritual guide. So I walked to his house to say hi. Then I saw my mother and brother come in but I didn’t stay to talk. I knew I had to go to school to do my test on time. I thought I had time to walk, but as I walked and walked I saw that it was 8:10. I wondered if I should go back to the spiritual guide’s house and get my car. But I decided to keep walking. Then it was 8:30 and I thought I should get an Uber. Everyone could see how upset I was, and how I failed.  I was trying to download the app and was getting very frustrated and anxious. My whole life was about to be ruined. Then I woke up. “

Damien was shaken by the stark precipice of success versus failure he encountered in his dream – dependent on his ability to use judgement and make the right choices, which he isn’t sure he can do. Discussing the dream in therapy, Damien was able to see how scared he was in his real life that he may not succeed. The dream shows him that when he becomes over confident, he loses his balanced center. He over estimates what is possible and doesn’t check into his inner core to make sure he is adequately prepared psychologically.

We analyzed the dream together by talking about the symbols that came up

He knows he needs to check in with his spiritual guide (a symbol of his inner wisdom) but doesn’t quite do so. Then he ignores both his family members both of whom symbolize his broken link with his core self, putting his whole future on the line. He shuns the female part of him (his mother, the grounding and nurturing part of his soul); and he doesn’t greet the male part of him (his brother) the strong rational dependent part of his core self. The act of dismissing these two balanced parts of him put him in jeopardy. He becomes frustrated, looking for something outside himself to rescue him (the Uber application). But it doesn’t work. In the dream he feels exposed and judged by those around him – a symbol of his waking self being ashamed of his lack of judgment and overconfidence. He is being made to feel how bad things get when he loses touch with his authentic self that has the wisdom to guide him.

The message this dream is offering is one of learning to access, tune in and attend to his inner soul which will guide him into making the right choices for his well-being, rather than looking outside of himself to be rescued from possible failure.

Focused exclusively on the part of him that was involved with his new marriage, he had broken loose from his center, heady with the success of his relationship. The dream gives him a scare so that he reunites with his inner core and use his inner guide and all parts of himself to be a success.

Damien didn’t take the dream message seriously and within a few weeks he had a nightmare to drive the point home.

“I was doing a test in school and I didn’t pass. The dean called me and he was crying and said sorry he couldn’t do anything about it. If I took it again and failed I would be thrown out of med school and that would be the end of everything. I had to put more effort into it and not get distracted.  I wouldn’t have a good life and no career. It was a nightmare and when I woke up I was so happy it wasn’t real. It was a huge relief.”

Talking about his relief, Damien realized that his nightmare could become a reality if he didn’t pay attention to balancing his inner self. He wouldn’t be anything if he just assumed that things would work out without the link to his ‘guide’ that could keep him nourished and stable. His reliance once again on an outside force to rescue him (the dean) wasn’t going to work.

The experience of failure in the dream came to remind him that he hadn’t fully absorbed the lesson in the prior dream. Damien tends to hand over his authority to someone else and suffers as a result. So this dream is an even sharper reminder that he has to tune in and trust his inner guide who will ensure that he will pass life’s tests as and when they come along.

This time Damien took the message to heart and his next dream exemplified it.

“I was walking from school up a hiking trail to a mountain. There was a museum there like the The views were spectacular. It was open and there were lots of people there. It was magnificent. The museum had stuff that people had made from the past and I thought about how they did it and that that person in that time touched this.”

We talked of the place of learning that brought back memories of being there for 10 years as a student. He had gone there to study and it felt like a home. Damien is now showing signs that he is tuning into himself (home) as a source of wisdom because it’s a place where he learned and matured.

He described the museum as being a place of respect – that keeps history and shows what people did in the past, where one can see what they once worked on. Damien is learning to respect his own personal history and development, respecting it and honoring it, instead of always looking to someone or something outside of himself to guide him.

In the dream he enjoyed the scenery and good views indicating that it made him feel free, good, and alive. So we can see how Damien is in touch with his own internal scenery that liberates him and brings him vitality.

The need to be perfect rocked Damien's boat, threatening to capsize his boat and throw him into choppy seas

In the next few weeks, Damien experienced several triggers at work that shook his confidence, propelling him towards trying to be perfect and please everyone around him. He was going back to what was familiar – yet irritated that he couldn’t maintain his inner calm. Another dream came along to help him feel solid again.

“I am in high school, and have to do a math test but feel like I’m not prepared. My wife is with me. I see a booth where you can take a practice test that predicts how well you do on the real thing. I took it and got 95%. That was good and I knew that I could do it. It was empowering.”

We noticed that the good feelings Damien had after this dream were very different to the fear and panic at the end of the previous dreams. Something has shifted inside him that points to a greater sense of self-trust as he keeps putting himself to the test. He seems to continue to need proof that he is okay and isn’t just lazy and dependent like his father and brother.

He wants to be sure that he has what it takes for his future, needing to ‘practice,’ get assurance and relieve his anxiety.

The symbol of Math is probably related to ‘adding and subtracting’ things in his life. Almost as if he is sorting out what’s useful and discarding what gets in the way. In real life he is ‘adding’ other activities in his personal life like picking up his interest in comic books. His wife is with him in the dream suggesting that he is identifying more with his adult self and less with his family of origin that had held him back. But unfortunately he only gets it right 95% of the time. Ninety-five is an odd number indicating he still has a way to go to make his life more even and wholesome

Damien is fortunate to work on his inner core with a therapist who helps him understand the value and power of his dreams. You can too.

In part 5 I’ll show you how Damien struggled with his journey towards greater confidence and more self-trust in his life, as his dreams continued to illuminate his progress as he navigated fears of not being perfect, constantly needing proof of his ability to pass life’s tests.

Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

AUTHOR OF:' Now You Want Me, Now You Don't! Fear of Intimacy: Ten ways to recognize it and ten ways to manage it in your relationship.

You might also like:

How a dream can help you overcome the fear of making your own choices (Damien's dreams, part 1)

How a dream about an aligator helped Damien choose between his girlfriend and his mother ( Damien's dreams, part 2)

How a dream about an interview helped Damien trust himself ( Damien's dreams, part 3)

Disclaimer: this article is for educational and informational purposes only. There is no liability on the part of Dr. Raymond for any reactions you may have when reading the material or following the suggestions therein. Interacting with this material does not constitute a therapeutic relationship with Dr. Raymond.

Dream Analysis To Help With Anger and Stress Management

After a great deal of doubt and uncertainty about choosing the right woman to marry, Damien finally married his fiancé. He felt peaceful and solid. The pendulum that swung between his attachment towards his mother and that toward Leila kept still. Working on the dream images about the day of his execution and that of the alligator had soothed his conflicted soul and allowed him to make the choice that had been so stressful.

The first few weeks of marriage were good. The couple settled into a routine as he went back to work and Leila became a home maker. He enjoyed being welcomed home with a nice meal. Talking to his mate about his challenges at the lab where he worked was relieving. Having company watching TV and a warm receptive body next to him at night was comforting.

But three months into the marriage, Damien found himself wanting to do his own thing after the evening meal.

He went back to doing the solitary things he used to do before he got married. Leila read books about married life and fed him information about what couples should do at certain points in their marriage – such as have sex three to four times a week in their first six months together. They were supposed go out with other couples twice a week, and visit in-laws at least once a month.

Damien and Leila operated on rules rather than on what they spontaneously felt and wanted. He became restless and started looking outside the relationship for stimulation and fulfillment. He wanted to learn more about money, cosmology and geophysics. The joy he first felt on going home after work dissipated, and he was hungry for something else.

Until he had this dream and we worked on it in his therapy.

“I was on a scooter following two policemen up a mountain. My scooter was semi motorized and half the foot type one.  At the top of the mountain was this big building. It was like a business building, rectangular with several floors. It was black. When I got there I was in a black suit. I went in for an interview. I thought there would be just a few others but the hall was full of people and they were looking at me. I was given an assignment. I had a syringe in a black bag. It had medicine in it but I didn’t know that. I was told to go out into the forest around the building and find the medication that needed to go in the syringe. I was out there for 4 hours and couldn’t find anything, Then I thought I found it and went back inside the building. The interview was over. I was told I had failed, because the medication was already in the syringe and I should have known that.”

Damien was shocked as he told me his dream.

He couldn’t get over the fact that he had lost an important opportunity because he didn’t realize that he “already had the answer.” We likened this to his experience of the marriage – that he saw it as a job that needed doing, without realizing that it was already done and all he had to do was recognize it and use it to feed his soul, but, that he didn’t trust himself.

Similarly he and his wife sought rules about how they should conduct their marriage so that they were within the bounds of normality as if they had no sense of it in their bones. No wonder it wasn’t working! There was no juice in the books his wife read or in the cosmos he was chasing for answers to personal contentment. The dream demonstrated that he already possessed the things that were potentially fulfilling – all he had to do was recognize it, develop the emotional desire to see it, trust it and use it.

The color black is a prominent feature in the dream – his black suit, and the black building, showing how everything on the outside is black. He is unable to see his authentic self through his black suit. Nor can he see through to the real workings of the building (a representation of him that is rule bound with the rectangular hard angled exterior) because it is black. The dream illuminates his insides – showing  him that he has a reliable core, despite past bad experiences – it’s okay to trust his instincts and his desires, his intuition and his beliefs.

He didn’t need to climb a hill follow two policemen to motivate him into being whatever his fate had in store. That suggests that he is now ready to give up depending on parental figures (the policeman). He didn’t need to be his own judge and jury like the people interviewing and judging him. He had already made it.

The scooter he drove was part manual and part motorized indicating that Damien was partially on the way to automating his way of operating in the world, making it less burdensome – trusting that the machine would work.  TRUST in his core self was the issue at stake and he came face to face with it in this dream.

Damien is learning to trust his gut in his waking life, but he is struggling with being an emotional intimacy with his wife. The next dream will bring that drama on stage..

Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

AUTHOR OF:' Now You Want Me, Now You Don't! Fear of Intimacy: Ten ways to recognize it and ten ways to manage it in your relationship.

You might also like:

How a Dream Can Help You Overcome Your Fear Of Making Your Own Choices    (part 1 of Damien's story)

How a Dream About and Aligator Helpd Damien Chose Between His Mother and His Fiance  (part 2 of Damien's story)

How Your Dream Can Free You From Trying to Win Your Parents Approval

Disclaimer: this article is for educational and informational purposes only. There is no liability on the part of Dr. Raymond for any reactions you may have when reading the material or following the suggestions therein. Interacting with this material does not constitute a therapeutic relationship with Dr. Raymond.

Dream Analysis To Help With Anger and Stress Management

The dream that helped Damien understand the trap he was in, fearing commitment and choices was the first of a series that helped him prepare to propose to his girlfriend and adjust his relationship with his mother. Now he was ready to propose, but how would his mother react?

The eldest of three children, Damien felt responsible for his mother’s welfare. His younger siblings were in college and his father wasn’t reliable. Damien enjoyed getting advice on ‘the right thing to do,’ from his mother, who also took care of him in ways that made their bond special.

He knew his mother wanted him to marry a girl that came from the same ethnic and religious background. There was nothing more important to him than his prospective wife and mother getting along. Would his mother approve of Leila? Would they find a way of relating without making him choose between them? Would Leila be okay with him visiting his mother after church every Sunday? Would Leila be okay with him continuing  to take care of his mother’s car insurance payments?

Then came a dream that illuminated his predicament and helped answered his question, freeing him from his self-imposed dilemmas – just like the teepee cage in the last dream.

“I was walking and saw a baby alligator. It was still attached to its mother with tissue that looked like a placenta. It didn’t hatch out of an egg.  There were zoo keepers and then there was an alligator tail coming out of my chest. It was taken out and even though there was a hole, I felt good.”

Damien associated alligators with hard skin that is Impenetrable” so he can’t get out, nor can others get in to help him. As we explored the image in the dream, Damien talked about the hard skin being a barrier to connecting with others. He noticed that he felt disconnected and awkward in groups. He was also having trouble connecting with Leila, torn between his affiliation with his mother and his girlfriend.

This is what we made of the dream in his therapy, using the context of is life at that time as the backdrop.

Alligators are reptiles that live in water and on land. Damien’s psyche was showing him that he is operating as a reptile. He can live in a state of unawareness, represented by the water, or he can live on land – but he can’t survive if he is still attached to his mother’s placenta!

Both the water and the placenta show his anxiety about being his ‘own man. Damien feared that without the basic nurturance from the placenta, and the womb like existence of the water he wouldn’t be able to survive successfully.

The image of hope came via the image of the bit of alligator tail that was coming out of his chest.

The remnant of alligator tail symbolized the beginnings of his awareness of his own capability and wish to prove it. He is given hope that he can take himself out of his entrenched reptilian mode and live freely making choices and decisions for his life – not just being seduced by care taking and then discover that he has given over charge of his life to others.

This dream stayed with Damien for weeks.

We related his resistance to changing his ways to the ‘hard skin’ of the alligator. We connected his tendency to get carried away with his work, ignoring his personal life with being in the water, oblivious to reality. He also made the link between his growing unease with being treated like a child by his mother.

The image of pulling out the remnants of the alligator tail from his chest gave Damien the confidence he needed to propose to Leila even if it meant he would have to give up the care of his mother. His conflict about having to choose between his mother and Leila (the water or the land) dissolved. He became a fully-fledged mammal, shedding his reptilian self.

Leila accepted his proposal with excitement and much happiness. Damien was relieved and felt like he was finally getting on the path of achieving his masculine identity. He told his parents that he was engaged and welcomed his mother getting involved in the wedding plans. He was fulfilling his manly role and that felt good.

What Damien hadn’t anticipated was his mother would make a last ditch attempt to keep the placenta attached. She began giving him gifts of personal care items- reflecting an intimacy that was inappropriate for an adult male and his mother. He didn’t want to hurt her by refusing them, nor overrule her on the choice of wedding stationary she was ordering.

Reminders of the tail remnant he pulled out of his chest in therapy were immensely powerful in helping Damien find his strength to tell his mother what he wanted and what he didn’t. He cut the placenta and survived. She backed down and he didn’t feel guilty.   

Damien had many days and nights of doubt about his choice of wife. As he became more self-assured and realized that making choices and commitments (being on land without being attached to the placenta) didn’t mess up his life, he approached his wedding ‘knowing’ this was the right thing for him. The hard alligator skin was no longer needed to protect him from taking risks. He owned his warm bloodedness fully. What a gift of a dream from his psyche!

Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

AUTHOR OF:' Now You Want Me, Now You Don't! Fear of Intimacy: Ten ways to recognize it and ten ways to manage it in your relationship.

You might also like:

How a Dream Can Help You Overcome Your Fear Of Making Your Own Choices    (part 1 of Damien's story)

How Your Dream Can Free You From Trying to Get Your Parent's Approval

How Your Dream Can Help You Overcome Bad Memories That Keep You Stuck

Disclaimer: this article is for educational and informational purposes only. There is no liability on the part of Dr. Raymond for any reactions you may have when reading the material or following the suggestions therein. Interacting with this material does not constitute a therapeutic relationship with Dr. Raymond.

Returning from a trip abroad, thirty-seven-year-old Natalie was full of enthusiasm and energy to kick start her career in the creative arts. She had jotted down a ton of ideas including doing a workshop online about writing comedy scripts; doing improvisation, teaching acting at night school and finishing a script that she started 2 years ago. But within four days she wanted to do anything but tackle her list. She wanted to talk to friends, go to a spa, do yoga and cook, but not move forward with her career steps.

Tired of this up and down pattern of excitement followed by a crash, Natalie was acutely aware of her shame and disappointment, despite working on herself for some years. No matter what steps she took and how determined she was, she went from feeling full of desire and motivation to feeling listless when it came to her scripts, workshops, etc.

It all felt too much to manage.

Then a dream came along that helped her understand what was holding her back.

She dreamt that she got a job in a hair salon. She was new and had little experience. A member of the band ‘Kiss’ came into the salon. He had long black wavy hair and wanted it straightened. He was in a hurry and Natalie wasn’t sure she could get it done in time. She used a flat iron that she knew wasn’t the most appropriate for this job but persisted anyway. As her client got impatient and was about to leave the manager of the salon came over and told her to get on with the job and she then complained about not having the right tool. The manager got angry with her and told her that she could have asked for it, before directing her to the front desk where the correct flat iron was located.

Natalie explored her dream with me and noticed that she was feeling as if she were new at the game of working for money, just like she had been in the dream. She also felt as if she was starting from scratch, lost and unable to do what she needed to execute her goals, just as her dream portrayed.

But Natalie learned something important about herself from her dream.

She discovered that she ‘knew’ what the right tool was but refused to ask for it or get it without someone else pushing her.  As we talked further it became apparent that Natalie discarded the parts of her that ‘knew’ what to do and how to do it in real life, so that each time she started a fresh it felt as if she was at square one, without a road map or hiking gear. Feeling overwhelmed and scared she would just give up and her career aspirations would die off.

I helped Natalie appreciate that she had a great many resources including knowledge and skill that she hid from herself because it involved her using her energy and motivation to activate them to serve her purpose. It wasn’t that she was lazy, it was that she just didn’t want to do the work for herself. She wanted someone else to step in and do it so she felt cared for and not alone in taking care of herself.

The images in the dream proved really central in helping Natalie gain insight into those parts of her that sabotaged her success.

We discussed the image of the flat iron, and found a rich seam of material that Natalie used to help paint a more in depth picture of why she kept getting stuck in the same place.

First we played with the word ‘flat.’ We talked about ‘flat as in a linear line,’ ‘flat-lining’ as on a medical monitor, and a tire having a flat! All these ways of new images of ‘flat’ gave Natalie a sense of how she wanted a lifeless learning experience, with no bumps or grooves along the way. I also noted that she wanted to drive herself forward with no air in her tires, despite having a great body and engine in terms of her intelligence and talents. Natalie recalled how things had come so easily to her in school that she never had to put any work into it, and wanted that same experience in her adult life. She didn’t want to use her resources in the fullest way possible, and so her tires would deflate, stopping her from progressing.

Then we moved on to the word ‘iron.’ Natalie associated it with a steel grip, a rigid determination to do something irrespective of its effects or repercussions. She mentioned how fearful she was of doing things that would be outside her chosen field, making her rigidly stick to a narrow path, excluding experiences that could enhance and enrich her career in the creative arts.

I added that a lack of iron was a sign of anemia, a cause of weakness and lethargy. Without the right kind of iron (like the right tool in the dream) she would be lifeless and unable to manage her jobs. That she couldn’t actually ‘grip’ the parts of her that could coalesce and make her goals a reality.

We shifted to talking about ‘ironing’ and the first thin that Natalie thought of was that of ‘ironing out wrinkles.’

She immediately connected to the part of her that had to iron out wrinkles that sabotaged her career success. She had to iron out the problems that stood in her way, that of disavowing her talents, skills and knowledge when her motivation was present, AND losing touch with her motivation when she owned her talents.

The dream continued to give us food for Natalie to chew on in her therapy. She began to see how she separated her motivation from her talents and scuppered her chances of a good future. She is now in the process of integrating those two parts of her and take real steps towards earning a living at what she was good at.

You might also like:

Your dreams can show you how you censor yourself and spoil your happiness

How to use dreams to benefit your waking life

How your dreams can help you overcome bad memories that keep you stuck

Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

Disclaimer: this article is for informational and educative purposes only. Dr. Raymond is not responsible for any reactions you may have when reading the content or using the suggestions therein. Interacting with this material does not constitute a therapeutic relationship with Dr. Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D

Using dreams to help you manage your personal challenges by Dr. Raymond, Ph.D.

photograph copyright Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

Thoughts of holidays and family made Donna's heart sink

As 2009 came to an end, Donna was struggling with the lack of motivation she felt at the thought of the same old Christmas and New Year rituals with family members. She didn't want to go through these meaningless experiences just to feel part of a family.

Donna wanted to shake things up and have more choice in how the holiday time was spent. She also wanted to get away from pretending to feel grateful for whatever her parents had planned. Her desire to make some choices of her own and do things her way made her antsy. How was she going to organize it without upsetting the apple cart?

Donna is caught between keeping the old and wanting something new

There was also the complicating factor of an upcoming loss of her family home. Her parents were selling it and moving to a smaller place with no room for visitors. Donna was caught between wanting to enjoy the family home before it was gone forever, and her wish to celebrate the holidays in a wildly different manner.

A dream gives Donna her wish – something old and something new

Then came the dream that helped her with her conflict. Donna dreamed that she was walking into her family home and into her old bedroom. There was a huge box in there. When she opened it she found some old clothes, jewelry, candy, books, scarves and pizza pieces. She began to sift through the items and pick out what she wanted to keep. She found pieces of pizza and candy that looked edible. She discovered some retro jewelry that she had loved and some clothes that she had bought to go with her unusual and precious jewelry pieces. The rest of the stuff seemed stale, and not part of her any longer. She felt a sense of peace and comfort at finding these things that she had forgotten about.

Donna gets to select from her past and make new relationships out of them

Donna's dream gave her the opportunity to go back into her childhood and retrieve things that were important and meaningful, like the pizza and candy she had never been allowed to eat. Now she could give herself permission to eat it without worrying about being judged and ridiculed about her weight. Now she could dress as she pleased rather than please her mother. Now she didn't have to put her choices and desires on hold.

The wounds of the past are fashioned into fresh connections of equality

Just as she went back to her childhood room in her dream, the message to Donna was to do so in real life before the family home was sold. Donna was being encouraged to go back, take the memories she wanted, bury the ones she no longer needed to hold onto, and create new ones over the holidays. She was being shown that she had a choice in how to remember her past by digging through the box of painful childhood and adolescence and closing the wounds that still had the power to sting.

photograph copyright Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

Fear of loss is transformed into more meaningful family life

Donna used her dream to great advantage. She took the lead and invited each family member to do something with her that was unique and special. That old ways were being buried in the box of the past. Donna was going to create new connections, having the courage and entitlement to eat what she wanted, wear what she liked and be what she felt was true to herself. She also returned to her old room and collected things that she wanted to keep including family photographs and her art work that she was now ready to reacquaint herself with again.

Donna was energized by the message of her dream. Instead of feeling sad about the loss of the family house, she let it go with her bad and sad memories. She decided to build new memories with her parents as they transitioned to their new home. Donna realized she could establish new and more equal connections with her folks as she was no longer bound and trapped by the rigid roles of the past that the house represented.

Donna's dream sets her free and puts her in charge of her emotional life

In 2010 Donna emerged with new convictions about her right and freedom to have the type of relationships she wanted to have with her family. She makes the suggestions about where they will meet and what activities they will share. She wears the bits of the past that are meaningful and creates new webs of interaction that make her feel good about herself. She remains surprised as to how readily her family have responded to her taking charge!

Using dreams to help you manage your personal challenges by Dr. Raymond, Ph.D.

Getting Her Father's Attention Back Was All Celia Wanted

Celia basked in her father's attention. She had ever since she was a tiny girl. It was all she lived for. One day her father changed. He became self-absorbed, oblivious to the distress he caused his family. Celia spent the rest of her childhood trying to bring him back to life. She attended to all his needs when her mother was sick. Later she followed family traditions about girls getting married and being homemakers. But nothing penetrated his fortress of solitariness. She had lost the privilege to be the apple of her father's eye.

Maybe A Career Would Impress Her Dad

Celia was getting on with her life after her divorce. Her kids were grown up and she grabbed the opportunity to go back to school and study to be a nurse. It's what she had always wanted to do and hoped it would impress her father. She was desperate for him to show pride in her ambitions and achievements. It didn't make it past his well guarded fortress. Her accomplishments felt like failures because they weren't acknowledged by father.

A Dream Nudges Celia To Face Reality

One night she had a dream that confused and disturbed her. In the dream she was in a room sitting at a small square table with a King and Queen. The King was writing. There was a door across from Celia behind the Queen. There was a lot of traffic noise coming from outside the door. Celia shut the door. The King looked up in relief. Celia enjoyed knowing she had pleased him. The queen invited her to visit them more often, but the King did not. She was heartbroken.

The Dream De-stabilizes Celia

The dream haunted her. She found herself crying a lot. She looked up dream dictionaries and websites that devoted themselves to dream interpretation. All the while a pit in the bottom of her stomach nagged at her. She couldn't concentrate on her school work. She lost interest in the lives of her children. She was inside her own lonely fortress, keeping the world out, unable to feel secure in her daily routine. Eventually Celia came to consult with me. She told of the dream and drew the images.

What Is The Reality Celia Has Been Avoiding?

Celia had given her father ultimate authority to approve of her and make her happy. His were the only blessings that counted, his the only approval that mattered. She gave him all the power to dictate how she would experience life. She n her own hands and give herself permission to be a woman in her own right, to be proud of herself and relish her accomplishments.

Celia Gives The King All The Power

The King in Celia's dream represented the ultimate in authority and power. Celia didn't exist for him unless she did something to make him feel good like eliminating noisy disturbances. She had spent her whole life trying to make him notice her by taking care of his comforts, and in so doing had abandoned herself. By shutting the door in the dream, she was shutting out reality – that there was a big, noisy, world, full of life out there. A world that would be responsive, that would welcome her, where she could find acknowledgment and self-worth. Shutting the door made time stand still. She was forever the little girl trying to get Daddy's attention, and failing.

The Message of Unity and Wholeness

The square shaped table in the dream has a special significance. A square has four equal sides, representing equality. The message for Celia is that as a grown woman she is an equal to her father. She has the entitlement and the power to control her life and create her happiness. The dream nudges Celia to take strength from becoming a whole person in her own right. A square table has four legs that enable it to balance, and keep it stable. It is a powerful image of stability and balance. Despite the King (father) being busy, the world isn't shaking. She can survive without his approval.

Celia Is Guided To Become The Apple Of Her Own Eye

Celia is encouraged to tune into the loving invitation of the Queen, depicting Celia's nurturing maternal self that she has ignored up to now. The dream tells her that by responding to the Queen she can feel worthwhile. Celia was shown the futility of trying to be daddy's special girl again. She was given an alternative, that was so much more fruitful. That was to abandon her wish to go back in time and recapture some magic that was no longer available. She was guided to switch from taking care of her unresponsive father to taking care of herself. Rather than trying to impress dad, Celia was better off being the apple of her own eye.

Celia is now a senior nurse in the cardiac unit of her local hospital. She is well respected. She enjoys her work and has a wonderful relationship with a fellow nurse. They cheer lead for one another and offer shoulders to cry on when needed. At last Celia sits around her square table where everyone she invites to dinner is her equal. She is the King and Queen of her own life, ruling with a rod of compassion.

Using dreams to help you manage your personal challenges by Dr. Raymond, Ph.D.

Freda's Dream Of Being Chased by Bloodthirsty Men

The men with beards were after her again. Those men were chasing her, brandishing long knives. They were running after Freda and her children. Freda was desperate to protect her children from this bloodthirsty group. She is scared that she is not going to be able to safeguard her children. Powerless against these violent men Freda feels like a bad and inadequate parent.

Shame and Fear Keep The Dream A Secret

Freda had this dream repeatedly for a long period of time. She always woke up scared. She never told anyone about it. It was kind of shameful that she was having nightmares about being a bad parent.

Sharing the Dream Unburdens Freda

Then Freda came to one of my dream workshops. She told me the dream and drew the scary images on a whiteboard. The sketches showed huge sword like knives with large wide sharp blades used to behead people in mythology and ancient history. The mens beards gave them an aura of wisdom but the fierce righteousness of the religious mullahs of Iran, where Freda had lived as a child.

Freda the Daughter is Slashed by her Mother's Sharp Tongue

For as long as she could remember her mother never had anything good to say about her. Her mother never praised her for her looks, her academic achievements or her marriage. She continued to criticize Freda's way of bringing up her children, making Freda feel bad. Her mother's words always cut her with their sharpness, like the knives in her dream. Freda began to speak of herself in equally harsh and critical ways. She saw little to love in herself. She married a man she didn't love just to feel secure in a relationship, and have children whom she could shower her love on and get love back. The purity of the love between Freda and her children was what kept her going. Freda the woman had all but disappeared. Freda the mother who wanted to be a kind and generous spirit so her kids could grow up with healthy self-images was alive and well.

The Dream Shows Freda Her Dilemma

Threats of attack in the dream represented the assault that Freda felt from her mother's tongue, trashing her self-esteem and making her feel inadequate. But now Freda has children of her of her own, and she doesn't want them to have the same experience. She wants to get them away from the cruel demeaning voice of her mother, symbolized by the elderly vicious men in the dream.

The men appeared in her dream to show her that she had taken in her mother's mean tone and made it her own, by always putting herself down.

Standing Up To The Ogre

In her dream Freda never actually got attacked and nor did her children. The message here is that no matter how powerful the men appear to be, she is safe and can stand up to them. By protecting her children in the dream, she was also protecting the part of her that now needed to stand up to the ogre of a mother in real life and the one that lived inside Freda.

photograph copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

Turning the Power Into a Positive Force

Freda had allowed all her power to be invested in her critical voice, that she adopted from her mother, making her feel no good. Her dream came to tell her that she could use that power differently, to make herself feel good, as a human being, a woman, a wife and a daughter.

The Outcome

A year later I bumped into Freda at a coffee shop. She came over to hug me and thanked me profusely for helping her figure out what her dream meant. She said she never had that dream again, and had taken steps to build firmer boundaries with her mother. She felt good about herself and was more in charge of her life. Her inner voice was so much more loving. She dared to think she was attractive enough to seek relationships outside her immediate family. She started saying yes to invitations to explore her artistic talents and to have fun. She began to enjoy who she was. Her dream scared her into accessing her true self which was a good, kind, gentle and loving person, rather than the demon her mother painted.