Returning from a trip abroad, thirty-seven-year-old Natalie was full of enthusiasm and energy to kick start her career in the creative arts. She had jotted down a ton of ideas including doing a workshop online about writing comedy scripts; doing improvisation, teaching acting at night school and finishing a script that she started 2 years ago. But within four days she wanted to do anything but tackle her list. She wanted to talk to friends, go to a spa, do yoga and cook, but not move forward with her career steps.

Tired of this up and down pattern of excitement followed by a crash, Natalie was acutely aware of her shame and disappointment, despite working on herself for some years. No matter what steps she took and how determined she was, she went from feeling full of desire and motivation to feeling listless when it came to her scripts, workshops, etc.

It all felt too much to manage.

Then a dream came along that helped her understand what was holding her back.

She dreamt that she got a job in a hair salon. She was new and had little experience. A member of the band ‘Kiss’ came into the salon. He had long black wavy hair and wanted it straightened. He was in a hurry and Natalie wasn’t sure she could get it done in time. She used a flat iron that she knew wasn’t the most appropriate for this job but persisted anyway. As her client got impatient and was about to leave the manager of the salon came over and told her to get on with the job and she then complained about not having the right tool. The manager got angry with her and told her that she could have asked for it, before directing her to the front desk where the correct flat iron was located.

Natalie explored her dream with me and noticed that she was feeling as if she were new at the game of working for money, just like she had been in the dream. She also felt as if she was starting from scratch, lost and unable to do what she needed to execute her goals, just as her dream portrayed.

But Natalie learned something important about herself from her dream.

She discovered that she ‘knew’ what the right tool was but refused to ask for it or get it without someone else pushing her.  As we talked further it became apparent that Natalie discarded the parts of her that ‘knew’ what to do and how to do it in real life, so that each time she started a fresh it felt as if she was at square one, without a road map or hiking gear. Feeling overwhelmed and scared she would just give up and her career aspirations would die off.

I helped Natalie appreciate that she had a great many resources including knowledge and skill that she hid from herself because it involved her using her energy and motivation to activate them to serve her purpose. It wasn’t that she was lazy, it was that she just didn’t want to do the work for herself. She wanted someone else to step in and do it so she felt cared for and not alone in taking care of herself.

The images in the dream proved really central in helping Natalie gain insight into those parts of her that sabotaged her success.

We discussed the image of the flat iron, and found a rich seam of material that Natalie used to help paint a more in depth picture of why she kept getting stuck in the same place.

First we played with the word ‘flat.’ We talked about ‘flat as in a linear line,’ ‘flat-lining’ as on a medical monitor, and a tire having a flat! All these ways of new images of ‘flat’ gave Natalie a sense of how she wanted a lifeless learning experience, with no bumps or grooves along the way. I also noted that she wanted to drive herself forward with no air in her tires, despite having a great body and engine in terms of her intelligence and talents. Natalie recalled how things had come so easily to her in school that she never had to put any work into it, and wanted that same experience in her adult life. She didn’t want to use her resources in the fullest way possible, and so her tires would deflate, stopping her from progressing.

Then we moved on to the word ‘iron.’ Natalie associated it with a steel grip, a rigid determination to do something irrespective of its effects or repercussions. She mentioned how fearful she was of doing things that would be outside her chosen field, making her rigidly stick to a narrow path, excluding experiences that could enhance and enrich her career in the creative arts.

I added that a lack of iron was a sign of anemia, a cause of weakness and lethargy. Without the right kind of iron (like the right tool in the dream) she would be lifeless and unable to manage her jobs. That she couldn’t actually ‘grip’ the parts of her that could coalesce and make her goals a reality.

We shifted to talking about ‘ironing’ and the first thin that Natalie thought of was that of ‘ironing out wrinkles.’

She immediately connected to the part of her that had to iron out wrinkles that sabotaged her career success. She had to iron out the problems that stood in her way, that of disavowing her talents, skills and knowledge when her motivation was present, AND losing touch with her motivation when she owned her talents.

The dream continued to give us food for Natalie to chew on in her therapy. She began to see how she separated her motivation from her talents and scuppered her chances of a good future. She is now in the process of integrating those two parts of her and take real steps towards earning a living at what she was good at.

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Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

Disclaimer: this article is for informational and educative purposes only. Dr. Raymond is not responsible for any reactions you may have when reading the content or using the suggestions therein. Interacting with this material does not constitute a therapeutic relationship with Dr. Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D

Using dreams to help you manage your personal challenges by Dr. Raymond, Ph.D.

Family Hurts!

Young beautiful and exuberant Julie was a happy and contented child until her parents sent her abroad to live with better off relatives in America. Contact with her parents was limited. She made sense of it by believing that she wasn't wanted, that she was a burden and an unwelcome intruder into her family.

Growing up with a Thin Skin

Julie did everything she could to prove she was loveable, useful and a worthy child for her aunt and uncle to rear. But she lived with the constant fear that any day, they too would tire of her and dump her somewhere else. She was an excellent student and used her teachers's praise as a source of worthniess. She didn't have many close friends. She was terrified that if they got to know her well, they would consider her second class goods, and find better friends.

Marriage and Children Don't Do The Trick

Julie hoped that marriage and parenthood would give her someone to love, and that she would be loved in return. She thought that this would be her salvation. A husband and child of her very own could finally prove that she was desirable and lovable. But it didn't work out. Her husband left, and Julie's relationship with her own daughter was strained.

The longed for wish fades away

After years of bitter sadness that she couldn't relate to her daughter, Julie realised that she was going to die a bitter and lonely woman. After she retired, the fear became stronger.

Then came this dream

She was in the kitchen preparing soup from a package of dried soup mix. Flames leapt out from the burners of her stove as she stirred the pot. She put her hands in the fire to rescue the soup and got burned. Later she discovered the knob and turned off the gas.

photograph copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

Julie is Given Hope and Encouragement

In her dream Julie was preparing a nourishing meal from a packet of dried soup mix. Her life was 'dried' up, without love, without connections, without meaning. Mixing the dried powder with water the dream says, can reconstitute her desire for genuine kinship. The dream showed her that her usual way of reaching out for love was by sticking her hands in the fire and getting burned – betrayed, let down, abandoned, disowned. Flames also indicate the intensity of her anger that she was dumped, mistreated and denied a home with her own parents. Her dream then showed her that she had a knob inside her that can turn the heat on and off. She can control the heat of the flames. She doesn't have to get burned and spoil the 'relationship soup', depriving herself of a good meal. Nor does she have to eat uncooked soup – raw and unsatisfying loneliness, by refusing to turn on the gas!

The Gifts In Julie's Dream

Julie had been repeatedly 'burned' by the betrayal of loved ones. Her dream indicated she could reach for the knob whenever she felt defenseless. She could have balanced relationships, OR she could hang onto the anger in the flames, be a victim, and keep getting burned. As she worked on this dream with me in a workshop, tears flowed as we put words and meaning to an otherwise terrifying dream. That was her first gift. The second is more permanent. Julie can use the insignia of the knob as a symbol of her ability to manage future vulnerable situations. She gets to have a life before it is too late.

Using dreams to help you manage your personal challenges by Dr. Raymond, Ph.D.

photograph copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

Donna's Dilemma – Can she have intelligence and beauty or does she have to choose?

How could she look good and hang on to her intelligence, confidence and ability to make good decisions?

It bothered her that she couldn't loose weight and look good because it would mean telling the world that she was just an object. Women who looked good seemed like a hollow shell, where the outside looked good but with nothing of substance inside. If she stayed like she was and focused only on her smarts, she would end up lonely and sad. People would only want her for her intellect. Quite a dilemma.

Dream to the rescue

As she struggled with this awful choice Donna dreamed that she lived in a beautiful stylish apartment building that had excellent security. She saw a young blond good looking woman approach the security desk claiming to be Donna. But Donna was already in her own apartment! She watched the security guard allow the impostor in without checking the records. Donna showed her anger to the security guard who didn't know what she was doing wrong. Donna was furious that this bone headed security guard would be so lax. She was even more furious that the security guard had no concern about not doing a good job.

How Donna's Dream Helped Her With Her Difficult Choice

As we talked about the dream we discovered that Donna had a very vigilant security guard inside her psyche. Her security guard kept her appearance and intelligence separate in order to protect her from getting hurt and feeling bad about herself. Going with the looks was a big risk of getting guys who just hit on her, so it was safer to stress her brainy side. If they just wanted her intellect she would never raise her hopes about being wanted for her physical appearance.

The Dream Removed The Need To Choose

Donna was paying too big a price for this separation. Her security guard was too good. So her dream showed her that it was okay to be less rigid. It was fine for her to give space to her need to look appealing and to her smart brain. The dream took away the burden of having to choose. She was being given permission by her own internal healer via the dream that it was safe to meld these two strangers and make them a whole person.

Two weeks later Donna attended a party where she was showing some of her creative works. For the first time ever, she didn't hate her looks and didn't imagine that everyone was judging her badly. She allowed herself to take in the praise and compliments of her family and friends. Both parts of her were given equal weight and by thinking of herself as a whole person, she invited others to do likewise.

photograph copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

Donna Enjoys Better Relationships and is More Comfortable With Herself

Now Donna doesn't have to worry about whether she is attractive OR smart and which part of her she should show the world. She has both, and as she gets more comfortable with them at the same table, she will get have more satisfying relationships. She is more in touch with her internal security guard who can use her good judgment as to when it necessary to be extra vigilant and when it is safe to be less rigid. Donna's new found flexibility makes her more open to good things.

Read About Donna's other challenges and growth through dreams

A Dream That Foretells The Ability To Trust In Your Own Talents

What Does it Mean if You Explode Into Tiny Pieces In Your Dream?

Can Your Dream Help You Lose Weight?

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