Using dreams to help you manage your personal challenges by Dr. Raymond, Ph.D.

Messages From Your Unconscious

Do you wake up puzzled by the same weird dream over and over again? Does the dream seems to come out of the blue, unrelated to your current circumstances and make no sense at all? Are you left with lingering images and sensations that interfere with your mood? Recurrent dreams can be quite disturbing. They are powerful messages from your unconscious urging you to pay attention to some aspect of your life that can no longer be ignored.

A Strange Dream Interferes With Brandon's Happiness

Thirty-six year old Brandon's life began the day he got his realtors license three years ago. Everything in life was wonderful except for this strange dream that kept interfering with his happiness. In the dreams he was back at the dental clinic subbing during staff shortages. Brandon couldn't understand why he was dreaming about a job he hated, never gave a second thought to, and had run away from to become a realtor.

Unfinished Business Comes Back To Haunt Brandon

Unsettled by the persistent regularity of this unwelcome dream, Brandon consulted me on this mystery. We discovered that Brandon had some unfinished business back in that clinic. Brandon choked up as he recalled leaving abruptly, without any marker of this huge transition. This was the first time he felt the wrench that he had anesthetized himself against for so long. He had walked away from his title as a doctor of dentistry, become estranged from his colleagues who had been like family, and given up working with his hands, a skill he had honed to perfection. He had treated these aspects of himself as if they were irritating particles of flaky skin.

The Dream Does It's Job

After his surprise emotional reaction to the sharing of the dream, Brandon returned to the clinic. He found the corpse of his previous life, and gave it a decent burial with all the funeral rites it deserved. He celebrated the dead person rather than pretend it had never lived. Now he was free to return to the land of the living. The dream had done it's job. It never returned.

If Only I Had Known!

Ever had that "if only I had known" feeling? Dreams that come over and over again may be trying to give you a heads up about something serious that is going to happen in your life. Maureen an event organizer for a non-profit agency had been doing the job of eight people for quite some time. She never asked for help despite being constantly overwhelmed. Nor did she seek treatment for the cataracts that were compromising her eye sight. A perplexing dream made her take a couple hours out of her schedule to consult with me.

Maureen ignored her dream, crawled back into her shell and made herself sick!

Maureen's Dilemma Shows Itself In Her Dream

In her dream Maureen assisted a man with voter registration. He had to study for a test by 9:00 p.m. that night in order to qualify- an impossible task. He insisted on voting locally although he was planning to go abroad. Maureen felt frustrated with this ridiculous request. Her bosses told her the man could register in the morning if she signed off on his study requirements. She didn't want to lie and felt trapped by this dilemma.

Maureen's Stark Wake Up Call

The dream precisely depicted Maureen's conflict. The man in the dream represented the dichotomy within Maureen that she had ignored, the wish to work and the desire to play. She had focused only on work. Her dream came to remind her that both are necessary for wholesome living. The odd number nine suggested something incomplete, and at odds with natural rhythms. The time crunch in the dream was a wake up call urging Maureen to stop 'signing off' on her one track path in life. She needed to 'register' this challenge and cast her vote for a balanced existence, before her cataracts blinded her to the joys of a full life.

Maureen Ignores Her Warning and Pays The Price

Maureen was moved by the analysis of her dream. She seemed intent on change, but she ignored her dream yet again. A few weeks later I learned that she had become ill and was forced to stop working. How much more drastic will the consequences have to be before she pays attention?

How To Remember Your Dreams

You can use your dreams to gain peace like Brandon, or like Maureen dismiss them at your peril. I hear you saying that you don't dream or that you don't remember your dreams. We all dream but we don't always welcome them with enthusiasm. A participant at one of my dream workshops complained that she could never recall her dreams. I told her to invite her dreams into her conscious world. Four weeks later she attended another workshop. She had so many dreams in her notebook she didn't know which one to work on first!

Using dreams to help you manage your personal challenges by Dr. Raymond, Ph.D.

photograph copyright Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

Thoughts of holidays and family made Donna's heart sink

As 2009 came to an end, Donna was struggling with the lack of motivation she felt at the thought of the same old Christmas and New Year rituals with family members. She didn't want to go through these meaningless experiences just to feel part of a family.

Donna wanted to shake things up and have more choice in how the holiday time was spent. She also wanted to get away from pretending to feel grateful for whatever her parents had planned. Her desire to make some choices of her own and do things her way made her antsy. How was she going to organize it without upsetting the apple cart?

Donna is caught between keeping the old and wanting something new

There was also the complicating factor of an upcoming loss of her family home. Her parents were selling it and moving to a smaller place with no room for visitors. Donna was caught between wanting to enjoy the family home before it was gone forever, and her wish to celebrate the holidays in a wildly different manner.

A dream gives Donna her wish – something old and something new

Then came the dream that helped her with her conflict. Donna dreamed that she was walking into her family home and into her old bedroom. There was a huge box in there. When she opened it she found some old clothes, jewelry, candy, books, scarves and pizza pieces. She began to sift through the items and pick out what she wanted to keep. She found pieces of pizza and candy that looked edible. She discovered some retro jewelry that she had loved and some clothes that she had bought to go with her unusual and precious jewelry pieces. The rest of the stuff seemed stale, and not part of her any longer. She felt a sense of peace and comfort at finding these things that she had forgotten about.

Donna gets to select from her past and make new relationships out of them

Donna's dream gave her the opportunity to go back into her childhood and retrieve things that were important and meaningful, like the pizza and candy she had never been allowed to eat. Now she could give herself permission to eat it without worrying about being judged and ridiculed about her weight. Now she could dress as she pleased rather than please her mother. Now she didn't have to put her choices and desires on hold.

The wounds of the past are fashioned into fresh connections of equality

Just as she went back to her childhood room in her dream, the message to Donna was to do so in real life before the family home was sold. Donna was being encouraged to go back, take the memories she wanted, bury the ones she no longer needed to hold onto, and create new ones over the holidays. She was being shown that she had a choice in how to remember her past by digging through the box of painful childhood and adolescence and closing the wounds that still had the power to sting.

photograph copyright Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

Fear of loss is transformed into more meaningful family life

Donna used her dream to great advantage. She took the lead and invited each family member to do something with her that was unique and special. That old ways were being buried in the box of the past. Donna was going to create new connections, having the courage and entitlement to eat what she wanted, wear what she liked and be what she felt was true to herself. She also returned to her old room and collected things that she wanted to keep including family photographs and her art work that she was now ready to reacquaint herself with again.

Donna was energized by the message of her dream. Instead of feeling sad about the loss of the family house, she let it go with her bad and sad memories. She decided to build new memories with her parents as they transitioned to their new home. Donna realized she could establish new and more equal connections with her folks as she was no longer bound and trapped by the rigid roles of the past that the house represented.

Donna's dream sets her free and puts her in charge of her emotional life

In 2010 Donna emerged with new convictions about her right and freedom to have the type of relationships she wanted to have with her family. She makes the suggestions about where they will meet and what activities they will share. She wears the bits of the past that are meaningful and creates new webs of interaction that make her feel good about herself. She remains surprised as to how readily her family have responded to her taking charge!

Using dreams to help you manage your personal challenges by Dr. Raymond, Ph.D.

photograph copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

Donna's Dilemma

Donna was heartbroken that all the time and energy she had devoted to building a relationship with her father seemed to end in tatters. Now she was angry and no longer willing to do anything to please him, just to stay on his radar.

She didn't want to lose him completely either. She had a dilemma that troubled her. Should she give up on him and move on with her life, or should she just see him occasionally and keep her feelings to herself?

Donna's Body reacts To The Stress

A week ago they had fallen out. Donna's feelings were a mess. One part of her wanted to sever the ties altogether and punish him, while another part of her longed for the dad she always hoped to have, the kind of dad her best friend enjoyed. Her feelings were so chaotic that she broke out in a rash, all over her chest and arms, her face and neck. The rash expressed her conflict, the red raw anger that she didn't know what to do with.

photograph copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

A Dream Comes To Help Donna Solve Her Dilemma

The night before she was to meet her father after their last blow out, Donna dreamt that she bought tons of wax and removed all the hair from her legs, arms and other places. It didn't hurt and it felt good. The wax was warm, like honey and comforting. It came off without stinging her, making her feel strong.

What Message Is The Dream Giving To Donna?

Body hair is a protective shield. It protects against the cold, and shields the skin from the sun, preventing dehydration and wrinkles. So in her dream Donna was able to remove that protective layer without feeling any sting or pain. She was being shown that she was strong enough to stand up to her father's stinging remarks, and coldness. She didn't need to protect herself against him. Nor did she need to protect her father from her rage, disappointment, and hurt.

Making Use of Her Dream

The meeting with her father was not as bad as she had imagined. Donna was able to express some of her feelings without fear of losing her father for good. He didn't walk away or shut her up. Donna's dream gave her a wonderful image of strength and power, that no longer had to be a solid ball of anger inside her. Like the wax in her dream, it melted and with it took away the fears that had chained her for so long.

Now she has a better chance of having a more honest relationship with her father, on her own terms.

Using dreams to help you manage your personal challenges by Dr. Raymond, Ph.D.

Getting Her Father's Attention Back Was All Celia Wanted

Celia basked in her father's attention. She had ever since she was a tiny girl. It was all she lived for. One day her father changed. He became self-absorbed, oblivious to the distress he caused his family. Celia spent the rest of her childhood trying to bring him back to life. She attended to all his needs when her mother was sick. Later she followed family traditions about girls getting married and being homemakers. But nothing penetrated his fortress of solitariness. She had lost the privilege to be the apple of her father's eye.

Maybe A Career Would Impress Her Dad

Celia was getting on with her life after her divorce. Her kids were grown up and she grabbed the opportunity to go back to school and study to be a nurse. It's what she had always wanted to do and hoped it would impress her father. She was desperate for him to show pride in her ambitions and achievements. It didn't make it past his well guarded fortress. Her accomplishments felt like failures because they weren't acknowledged by father.

A Dream Nudges Celia To Face Reality

One night she had a dream that confused and disturbed her. In the dream she was in a room sitting at a small square table with a King and Queen. The King was writing. There was a door across from Celia behind the Queen. There was a lot of traffic noise coming from outside the door. Celia shut the door. The King looked up in relief. Celia enjoyed knowing she had pleased him. The queen invited her to visit them more often, but the King did not. She was heartbroken.

The Dream De-stabilizes Celia

The dream haunted her. She found herself crying a lot. She looked up dream dictionaries and websites that devoted themselves to dream interpretation. All the while a pit in the bottom of her stomach nagged at her. She couldn't concentrate on her school work. She lost interest in the lives of her children. She was inside her own lonely fortress, keeping the world out, unable to feel secure in her daily routine. Eventually Celia came to consult with me. She told of the dream and drew the images.

What Is The Reality Celia Has Been Avoiding?

Celia had given her father ultimate authority to approve of her and make her happy. His were the only blessings that counted, his the only approval that mattered. She gave him all the power to dictate how she would experience life. She n her own hands and give herself permission to be a woman in her own right, to be proud of herself and relish her accomplishments.

Celia Gives The King All The Power

The King in Celia's dream represented the ultimate in authority and power. Celia didn't exist for him unless she did something to make him feel good like eliminating noisy disturbances. She had spent her whole life trying to make him notice her by taking care of his comforts, and in so doing had abandoned herself. By shutting the door in the dream, she was shutting out reality – that there was a big, noisy, world, full of life out there. A world that would be responsive, that would welcome her, where she could find acknowledgment and self-worth. Shutting the door made time stand still. She was forever the little girl trying to get Daddy's attention, and failing.

The Message of Unity and Wholeness

The square shaped table in the dream has a special significance. A square has four equal sides, representing equality. The message for Celia is that as a grown woman she is an equal to her father. She has the entitlement and the power to control her life and create her happiness. The dream nudges Celia to take strength from becoming a whole person in her own right. A square table has four legs that enable it to balance, and keep it stable. It is a powerful image of stability and balance. Despite the King (father) being busy, the world isn't shaking. She can survive without his approval.

Celia Is Guided To Become The Apple Of Her Own Eye

Celia is encouraged to tune into the loving invitation of the Queen, depicting Celia's nurturing maternal self that she has ignored up to now. The dream tells her that by responding to the Queen she can feel worthwhile. Celia was shown the futility of trying to be daddy's special girl again. She was given an alternative, that was so much more fruitful. That was to abandon her wish to go back in time and recapture some magic that was no longer available. She was guided to switch from taking care of her unresponsive father to taking care of herself. Rather than trying to impress dad, Celia was better off being the apple of her own eye.

Celia is now a senior nurse in the cardiac unit of her local hospital. She is well respected. She enjoys her work and has a wonderful relationship with a fellow nurse. They cheer lead for one another and offer shoulders to cry on when needed. At last Celia sits around her square table where everyone she invites to dinner is her equal. She is the King and Queen of her own life, ruling with a rod of compassion.

Using dreams to help you manage your personal challenges by Dr. Raymond, Ph.D.

Freda's Dream Of Being Chased by Bloodthirsty Men

The men with beards were after her again. Those men were chasing her, brandishing long knives. They were running after Freda and her children. Freda was desperate to protect her children from this bloodthirsty group. She is scared that she is not going to be able to safeguard her children. Powerless against these violent men Freda feels like a bad and inadequate parent.

Shame and Fear Keep The Dream A Secret

Freda had this dream repeatedly for a long period of time. She always woke up scared. She never told anyone about it. It was kind of shameful that she was having nightmares about being a bad parent.

Sharing the Dream Unburdens Freda

Then Freda came to one of my dream workshops. She told me the dream and drew the scary images on a whiteboard. The sketches showed huge sword like knives with large wide sharp blades used to behead people in mythology and ancient history. The mens beards gave them an aura of wisdom but the fierce righteousness of the religious mullahs of Iran, where Freda had lived as a child.

Freda the Daughter is Slashed by her Mother's Sharp Tongue

For as long as she could remember her mother never had anything good to say about her. Her mother never praised her for her looks, her academic achievements or her marriage. She continued to criticize Freda's way of bringing up her children, making Freda feel bad. Her mother's words always cut her with their sharpness, like the knives in her dream. Freda began to speak of herself in equally harsh and critical ways. She saw little to love in herself. She married a man she didn't love just to feel secure in a relationship, and have children whom she could shower her love on and get love back. The purity of the love between Freda and her children was what kept her going. Freda the woman had all but disappeared. Freda the mother who wanted to be a kind and generous spirit so her kids could grow up with healthy self-images was alive and well.

The Dream Shows Freda Her Dilemma

Threats of attack in the dream represented the assault that Freda felt from her mother's tongue, trashing her self-esteem and making her feel inadequate. But now Freda has children of her of her own, and she doesn't want them to have the same experience. She wants to get them away from the cruel demeaning voice of her mother, symbolized by the elderly vicious men in the dream.

The men appeared in her dream to show her that she had taken in her mother's mean tone and made it her own, by always putting herself down.

Standing Up To The Ogre

In her dream Freda never actually got attacked and nor did her children. The message here is that no matter how powerful the men appear to be, she is safe and can stand up to them. By protecting her children in the dream, she was also protecting the part of her that now needed to stand up to the ogre of a mother in real life and the one that lived inside Freda.

photograph copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

Turning the Power Into a Positive Force

Freda had allowed all her power to be invested in her critical voice, that she adopted from her mother, making her feel no good. Her dream came to tell her that she could use that power differently, to make herself feel good, as a human being, a woman, a wife and a daughter.

The Outcome

A year later I bumped into Freda at a coffee shop. She came over to hug me and thanked me profusely for helping her figure out what her dream meant. She said she never had that dream again, and had taken steps to build firmer boundaries with her mother. She felt good about herself and was more in charge of her life. Her inner voice was so much more loving. She dared to think she was attractive enough to seek relationships outside her immediate family. She started saying yes to invitations to explore her artistic talents and to have fun. She began to enjoy who she was. Her dream scared her into accessing her true self which was a good, kind, gentle and loving person, rather than the demon her mother painted.

Using dreams to help you manage your personal challenges by Dr. Raymond, Ph.D.

Family Hurts!

Young beautiful and exuberant Julie was a happy and contented child until her parents sent her abroad to live with better off relatives in America. Contact with her parents was limited. She made sense of it by believing that she wasn't wanted, that she was a burden and an unwelcome intruder into her family.

Growing up with a Thin Skin

Julie did everything she could to prove she was loveable, useful and a worthy child for her aunt and uncle to rear. But she lived with the constant fear that any day, they too would tire of her and dump her somewhere else. She was an excellent student and used her teachers's praise as a source of worthniess. She didn't have many close friends. She was terrified that if they got to know her well, they would consider her second class goods, and find better friends.

Marriage and Children Don't Do The Trick

Julie hoped that marriage and parenthood would give her someone to love, and that she would be loved in return. She thought that this would be her salvation. A husband and child of her very own could finally prove that she was desirable and lovable. But it didn't work out. Her husband left, and Julie's relationship with her own daughter was strained.

The longed for wish fades away

After years of bitter sadness that she couldn't relate to her daughter, Julie realised that she was going to die a bitter and lonely woman. After she retired, the fear became stronger.

Then came this dream

She was in the kitchen preparing soup from a package of dried soup mix. Flames leapt out from the burners of her stove as she stirred the pot. She put her hands in the fire to rescue the soup and got burned. Later she discovered the knob and turned off the gas.

photograph copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

Julie is Given Hope and Encouragement

In her dream Julie was preparing a nourishing meal from a packet of dried soup mix. Her life was 'dried' up, without love, without connections, without meaning. Mixing the dried powder with water the dream says, can reconstitute her desire for genuine kinship. The dream showed her that her usual way of reaching out for love was by sticking her hands in the fire and getting burned – betrayed, let down, abandoned, disowned. Flames also indicate the intensity of her anger that she was dumped, mistreated and denied a home with her own parents. Her dream then showed her that she had a knob inside her that can turn the heat on and off. She can control the heat of the flames. She doesn't have to get burned and spoil the 'relationship soup', depriving herself of a good meal. Nor does she have to eat uncooked soup – raw and unsatisfying loneliness, by refusing to turn on the gas!

The Gifts In Julie's Dream

Julie had been repeatedly 'burned' by the betrayal of loved ones. Her dream indicated she could reach for the knob whenever she felt defenseless. She could have balanced relationships, OR she could hang onto the anger in the flames, be a victim, and keep getting burned. As she worked on this dream with me in a workshop, tears flowed as we put words and meaning to an otherwise terrifying dream. That was her first gift. The second is more permanent. Julie can use the insignia of the knob as a symbol of her ability to manage future vulnerable situations. She gets to have a life before it is too late.

Using dreams to help you manage your personal challenges by Dr. Raymond, Ph.D.

photograph copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

Donna's Dilemma – Can she have intelligence and beauty or does she have to choose?

How could she look good and hang on to her intelligence, confidence and ability to make good decisions?

It bothered her that she couldn't loose weight and look good because it would mean telling the world that she was just an object. Women who looked good seemed like a hollow shell, where the outside looked good but with nothing of substance inside. If she stayed like she was and focused only on her smarts, she would end up lonely and sad. People would only want her for her intellect. Quite a dilemma.

Dream to the rescue

As she struggled with this awful choice Donna dreamed that she lived in a beautiful stylish apartment building that had excellent security. She saw a young blond good looking woman approach the security desk claiming to be Donna. But Donna was already in her own apartment! She watched the security guard allow the impostor in without checking the records. Donna showed her anger to the security guard who didn't know what she was doing wrong. Donna was furious that this bone headed security guard would be so lax. She was even more furious that the security guard had no concern about not doing a good job.

How Donna's Dream Helped Her With Her Difficult Choice

As we talked about the dream we discovered that Donna had a very vigilant security guard inside her psyche. Her security guard kept her appearance and intelligence separate in order to protect her from getting hurt and feeling bad about herself. Going with the looks was a big risk of getting guys who just hit on her, so it was safer to stress her brainy side. If they just wanted her intellect she would never raise her hopes about being wanted for her physical appearance.

The Dream Removed The Need To Choose

Donna was paying too big a price for this separation. Her security guard was too good. So her dream showed her that it was okay to be less rigid. It was fine for her to give space to her need to look appealing and to her smart brain. The dream took away the burden of having to choose. She was being given permission by her own internal healer via the dream that it was safe to meld these two strangers and make them a whole person.

Two weeks later Donna attended a party where she was showing some of her creative works. For the first time ever, she didn't hate her looks and didn't imagine that everyone was judging her badly. She allowed herself to take in the praise and compliments of her family and friends. Both parts of her were given equal weight and by thinking of herself as a whole person, she invited others to do likewise.

photograph copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

Donna Enjoys Better Relationships and is More Comfortable With Herself

Now Donna doesn't have to worry about whether she is attractive OR smart and which part of her she should show the world. She has both, and as she gets more comfortable with them at the same table, she will get have more satisfying relationships. She is more in touch with her internal security guard who can use her good judgment as to when it necessary to be extra vigilant and when it is safe to be less rigid. Donna's new found flexibility makes her more open to good things.

Read About Donna's other challenges and growth through dreams

A Dream That Foretells The Ability To Trust In Your Own Talents

What Does it Mean if You Explode Into Tiny Pieces In Your Dream?

Can Your Dream Help You Lose Weight?

Help to understand your dreams

Using dreams to help you manage your personal challenges by Dr. Raymond, Ph.D.

Why Can't Donna Have The Relationship She Craves?

Recently Donna has felt hopeless about her love life. She was resigned to being single and without children even though it was one of her cherished dreams. She wanted to believe that it could come true but was scared to pin her hopes on it. She kept her dreams safe in her fantasy world where reality couldn't spoil her image. She had relationships with men that were either friendships or sexual liaisons, but never both. She had never experienced the closeness and intimacy of a relationship that had it all.

Reckless Behavior Stuns Donna

At about this time Donna had been taken in by a gypsy in an upscale part of town and gave her $1000 to hear something hopeful about her future. A day or so later it dawned on her – the magnitude of what she had done! She was astounded that a wish to believe in her fantasy just for a moment could make her so reckless and give up her common sense and self-protection. She had given money to friends to help them out, but never just thrown such a large sum on a whim!

A Disturbing Dream Haunts Donna

A couple of months later Donna's next dream startled her. She hated theme parks but there she was in her dream at a fair ground theme park with a friend. She saw a gypsy who promised to tell her important things about her love life.

Donna's friend stayed and took notes, making her feel more comfortable. Donna put her hand on the table and asked the gypsy the cost of the experience. The gypsy said $200, but Donna wouldn't have it. She banged her hand on the table and demanded that the price be no higher than $100. The gypsy backed down as Donna's adamant voice ruled the moment. Two large buzzing things like insects were around her ears making loud noises drowning everything out. Then Donna blacked out. When Donna woke up she saw injection marks all over her arms and wondered what they were.

Donna likes things clean and orderly, so why a seedy dream?

In her waking life Donna never goes to theme parks and fairs. To her they are dirty, seedy and unhygienic places where the low life hang out. The location of the dream represents Donna's emotions that she hates to deal with. To her they are messy and best pushed out of sight. They just cause trouble!! But in her dream she finds out that she can take charge by forcing the gypsy to work on Donna's terms. This suggests that Donna is beginning to realize that she does have a say in how her emotions affect her. They don't have to wipe her out.

The friend in the dream who takes notes is probably the part of Donna who needs to monitor her rash, reckless and impulsive self that just gives herself away, gets robbed and is left with nothing but 'holes' – just like the injection marks on her arms at the end of her dream.

Donna gets a glimpse of her dark, messy side

The gypsy in her dream may be the part of Donna that just aches to make her wishes come true by magic. It is the part of Donna that doesn't want to have to do the work of getting to know someone in all ways and creating a relationship. She had split intimacy, friendship and sex in order to feel safe but ended up unsatisfied and dejected. The gypsy gives her injections as if they were the magic cure, but all she finds are holes.

The dream tells Donna to love her messy side

The message in Donna's dream is that she can survive the pain of the 'injections' which are probably her intense emotions. She doesn't have to black out. She does have a good caretaker part of her that she can rely on, like her friend in the dream. She is being guided to see that the buzzing noise that she hears when emotions get to her is survivable, and makes her strong. She can listen to all parts of herself without being hung out to dry. She can trust her instincts and allow herself a relationship that has it all. She doesn't have to safeguard her dream in a fantasy any more.

If Donna listen's to her dream her future looks brighter and more hopeful

The dream is saying that life and relationships have both the seedy and magical qualities. Donna's acceptance of this unifying reality will allow her to be ready to invite and respond to men who can give her the stability and security she yearns for. If she can accept all her qualities, good and bad, she will be able to share them with a man who will do the same. That's when the intimacy, sex and friendship will mesh together and give Donna peace. But she has to be willing to do the work!

Using dreams to help you manage your personal challenges by Dr. Raymond, Ph.D.

Why dream of destruction when everything is going so well?

Donna's next dream was really scary. She was watching herself get blown up and bits of her were flying all around. What a way to wake up? It came the night after she did some good work at a charity event and got a temp job that she liked. So why such a nightmare?

You remember Donna who's dream about letting her inner security guard be a little more forgiving? That dream came true when she allowed herself to experience being liked no matter what she looked like. Well this next dream was really showing her how her life was changing.

The dream is full of crashing and burning, but Donna stays peaceful

Donna dreamed that she was driving a plane that looked like a pod, in the dark. It had no wings. She had no idea where she was going. But she wasn't alarmed. Something told her she was going where she needed to go. She felt she could trust the journey. Her plane rose to the top of a hill. She drove the plane down the hill and saw a huge bi- plane crash on top of some orange metal pipes which were shaped in the form of an 'x'. She slammed on the brakes and her pod circled the crashed plane before landing.

Donna and the pod exploded. She watches herself explode. Bits of her jaw and teeth were flung away!

Donna rises from the ashes stronger, more trusting and true to herself

Donna's dream is about her personal journey of growth – full of fire, destruction but also rejuvenation. She came to a make or break point in her life where she needed to slow down and choose a healthy pathway. Her pod reaching the top of the hill was this critical moment. She circles the old parts of her represented by the bi-plane, giving it the last rights. She knows that her old self was the false or 'wrong' her, just as the Orange 'x' shaped pipes indicated. She watches the old false self explode. But she isn't upset.

She sees bits of her teeth and jaw scatter. Teeth and jaws are symbols of determination and will power. In the dream she is giving up her hold on the old ways of her life that brought her little happiness or peace. She doesn't need to die with the old stuff, but to get rid of all the old heavy junk that wasn't very useful. Now that she is rid of the burden of the old ways, she is free to be her real self.

The dream is helping her realize that the nice temp job and her good feelings at the charity are the new things in her life that she created because she dared to trust herself and go with her instincts. It is encouraging and validating.

The first signs of disease are often found in unhealthy gums, teeth and tongue. Problems in these areas indicate poor health. Donna's unhealthy teeth and jaw were ripped from her in this dream. She gets to let her strong permanent teeth come through and thrive in a mouth that is clean, and smells good.